Just a quickie here, to give you a handout that accompanies the most recent lecture (yes I’m one of those unorganized professors who provides materials out of sequence. Aren’t you glad you “enrolled” in such a quality course?). The handout is your very own personalize-able “All I Want to Be” statement. Aw gee, just what you always wanted!
Not sure how to use it? If you want to pass our class with flying colors, then don’t bother to read the following. But if class failure (and career bliss) is your goal, read on:
2) Ignore the file for days/months/years (length dependent on the depth of your Career Paralysis).
3) After the waiting period, stumble upon the file on your hard drive and decide to print it out.
4) Ignore the printed copy for another period of time. (You’re really paralyzed, aren’t you?)
5) When you’re ready – really ready (i.e., you’ve exhausted all the excuses explored in our class) – hang the blank print-out somewhere you’ll see it morning and night, like next to your alarm clock.
5b) Be sure to have a snappy one-liner prepared for when your roommates/friends/parents make fun of you for completing this step.
6) Don’t think about the answer too much. Simply look at the blank space daily and let your unconscious mind work on the answer. (This is actually completely serious – psychologists find that letting the unconscious do its work, called incubation, is often key to problem solving.)
7) When your mind one day spurts out a possible completion, jot that jammy down!
8) Live with the drafted statement for a while. Don’t think about it too much, but do look at it daily.
9) When a revision idea hits you, print a new copy and try again.
10) Repeat Steps 7-9 ten, 20, or 500 times. Whatever it takes to get an answer. Yes, it’s that worth it.
11) When your revisions start to revolve around word choice and sentence structure, you’re done! Congratulations on failing this assignment (and being well on your way to failing class)!
(If you’re reading these steps and questioning whether it’s actually worth all this effort to find a fulfilling career, go directly to Step 2. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200. I’ll meet you there in the next lesson with another good excuse, you star student, you!)